So I have a relaxation technique I want to share.
It came from spending so much time paying attention to the tension inside my head, the tension that, when present, seems very obviously to restrict my singing and, without which, I hear marked improvements.
What I’m going to describe is a ‘meditation' (in quotes because everyone has different ideas about that word) that has really helped in creating the necessary pockets of relaxed muscles within my head and throat to make the big, full resonance a singer wants...
But it’s done more for me than just that, and that’s why I’m sharing.
That technique is this:
In any given moment, but especially when you’re stressed, instead of trying to 'silence' your mind (you can't do it), or even to just "pay attention to your thoughts until they quiet" which is how Alan Watts often describes it, I've found more immediate relaxative effects by diving into the sensation of anxiety itself, rather than hoping it goes away. I do the precise opposite, choosing to relish what it FEELS like (even the discomfort).
To be clear, I'm talking about the sensation itself. Not the emotion you feel (sad, anxious, depressed, excited). Not, either, the details of the situation or circumstance you're worried about that's causing the anxiety (bills to pay, romantic troubles, important gig, etc) - no.
Rather, focus on what's below all that, before the ideas. Focus on the sensation itself that you label as ‘anxiety.’ It's usually a combination of two sensations: the muscle tightness which seems to be in an effort to protect against something else, and then also the ‘something else’ (the sensation you fear).
If you pay attention, you see that you're clenching in expectation of some future pain you’re sure you’d feel if you let go. Anxiety seems, at its core, to be fear (and the physical, clenching sensation thereof) about some other sensation that hasn't actually come yet. You're afraid of pain (physical or emotional) you expect to be coming.
So, “Don’t let go!” right?
Well, what if you did exactly that? What if, instead of resisting it, you just let yourself have whatever sensation that arises when you think about the thing you’re worried about?
What if you let yourself feel the sensation you're clenching against? Because it’s not like you’re trying to avoid a fire (or something that could physically harm or destroy you). Rather, in most instances in life, you’re clenching against some other sensation in your own body.
Firstly (and perhaps most importantly), when you decide to simply FEEL it, you realize it's way less than you expected.
For me it usually presents itself as a buzz, or waves of tingles, or perhaps a dull ache around my heart (that’s where I feel it most).
To my surprise, it’s rarely much more than that. I hold on to the sensation for as long as I can, bringing my mind back to it when it flutters off. And in doing so, it dissipates some. Maybe it takes ten seconds. Maybe it takes ten minutes. But more importantly I remember it was the clenching, not the sensation I wasn’t allowing myself to feel, that was giving me most of the discomfort.
This might be all you ever need realize:
Anxiety is resistance / clenching against some other body sensation that is, in general, much less intense or unbearable than we think.
Furthermore, by consciously deciding to feel it all (the clench, the letting go, the other sensation you’ve been avoiding)… by holding those sensations in your mind for as long as you can, the other thing you’re doing in that moment (in my case the ‘other thing’ is the act of singing)... well, those other things seem to become better too: un-self-conscious, relaxed, confident, all on their own.
Part of this happens because while I’m focusing on the sensation (in whatever body location it presents itself, usually the head or the chest), the rest of my body just starts to randomly let go of other tension I had. I’ll feel my jaw ‘unclench’ not realizing it was even tense.
When I get it right, I sing without thinking about it, my whole head resonates, my body resonates, and I take improvisational runs I could never do before. Runs I’ve never even thought of before, to be honest. And it’s fun. So fun. I can’t stop.
And while, in my decades of singing, I’d slipped before into moments of ‘right singing’ full of resonance and joy, I never knew exactly why, or how to get back. But these day it happens more and more often, and nearly always from me just reminding myself to focus not on the singing much at all, but to give most of my attention to whatever sensations are happening in my brain and body. It’s so counter intuitive, but the results have been consistent and (without tooting my own horn too much) pretty great.
Makes me wonder if singing has long been a way to immediately hear if your head is in the ‘right’ space, existentially. More on that idea later…
This technique of don't-run-from-the-sensation-of-anxiety / dive-in-instead has done incredible things for my voice, but it's become a spiritual practice too. I’m thinking about it in as many moments as I can remember to think about it. Because the results, both with singing and emotionally, have been…
Let’s just say this: when you stumble onto something that, when remembered, makes you certain life is worth living, that’s good, no? And you’d spend your time doing it lots, yes? That’s where I am. It’s not a panacea. I haven’t stopped anxiety. I’ve just given myself the tools to accept it and play with it.
Really makes me wonder if life is as simple as deciding, in any given moment, to feel what life (and your body’s reaction to it) presents to you? Or instead to brace against the sensations that bubble up? If you’re anything like me, you’ll be surprised how often you choose the latter. And to what avail?
For years I didn’t even realize this aspect of my own existence, this constant battle of wanting to clench against sensation. I certainly wasn’t often making a conscious decision to fully feel what life threw my way (again, the sensations themselves, not what you’ve labeled them).
Now it's what I do as often as possible. It feels amazing. Maybe just give it a try.
~ Cecil
ps - here’s a recent practice recording of me singing ‘Falling Slowly,’ that song by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova from the movie ‘Once.’ It’s just me working on vocals, doing exactly what I describe above. And while I don’t get it right all the time, I get it right more and more often, and ‘getting it right’ continues to present me with more and more ways of singing (vocal runs, tone, etc) that I find myself just doing, rather than planning, prior to the moment of execution. They just come out. It’s interesting and exciting, I will say that for sure.
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Hey Cecil, love the article. After we talked yesterday, I paid more attention to the sensations. Interestingly, I found a few songs I recorded on my phone two years ago (wasn't very good) and compared to what I recorded after our conversation, there was a markable difference. I'm still not sure I'll ever be a "real" singer but the sound/voice quality was vastly improved. I think with more practice/confidence, who knows what my singing will sound like in the coming weeks/months. What I can say it has improved greatly. I'll keep you updated as I move forward. Thanks for writing the article, I'm sure it will help many. Love you Brother, and thanks, Kevin.
I loved this piece so much! Sounds like you’re able to get yourself into theta state through non resistance.